Ontario NY: Where Stupid Reigns Supreme

It’s all this — and more!

I double-dog dare you to spend five minutes in that town — and then tell me what you think.

But if you’re smart (and I quote a very legal document here), you’ll:  “Say nothing.”

 “Say nothing,” Tr, page 17.

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Ontario, NY: No One Really Wants To Shop Here But They Will Now!

“Stupid” infests the commercial district

 

Now that Rite-Aid has moved to a bigger and better location, here is 96,900 square feet of empty, plus parking for over 600 cars. . . but who wants to park at an empty shopping center?  (Answer:   One, maybe one-and-a-half cars?  Is this a trick question?).

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Now all the trailer people won’t have to pester anyone to drive them  all the way to Greece for their super-discounts

But not for long!  There was one business here that was doing so well that it attracted a brand-new Big Lots! store right where the old Ames used to be. . . hey, that’s got to mean 15 or 20 low-paying, part-time jobs for some lucky Ontarians!

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Chinese donuts. . . who knew?

Chinese donuts. . . who knew?

So, congratulations to the real-’nuff  Chinese restaurant tucked into the corner nearby, where they buy Pillsbury dinner rolls up at Tops, deep fry them, and sell them as “Chinese Donuts” (with a free can of Coke if you buy enough of ’em).

Hey, send the clerk out on a donut run, that’s a (court) order!

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Donuts are a great favorite with the Good Ole Boys hangin’ around Palmer Hall —

Why, I do think I once overheard Deputy Sheriff  Br***s say one day, as  he looked up the words “investigation” and “intimidation” in the dictionary, “Mmm-mmm-mmm, don’t I just love me some donuts, how I wish I had me some raht now…”  Maybe if he did he might not be harassing this nice old lady with pepper spray…

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“I’m not intimidating, I’m investigating! I think this scumbag is a litter-bug, and she deserves to be pepper-sprayed if not handcuffed and dragged to jail!”

Do you know the Six Wayne County Food Groups?  Here, I’ll teach them to you, repeat after me:  Deep-fried anything, salt, sugar, bacon grease, butter, and Spam (but they save that for Sundays).

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THIS JUST IN!   We’ve been told that a third store  may be coming soon…Save-A-Lot, which is something like an Aldi’s but with a lot less class and a lot less selection.  Actually, seeing as how they closed 60 of ’em in back in the fall of 2012,  it may be just another rumor…

You really don't have to get all dressed up to shop here.

You really don’t have to get all dressed up to shop here.

…but for what it’s worth you heard it first on this blog, the Wonders of Wayne County, Land of Stupid.  And if it turns out to be not true, well, then, the folks at the McDonald’s across the way have been hittin’ the Special Sauce a bit too much. . .

Mmmm. . . donuts. . . Canna Coke?

Mmmm. . . donuts. . . Canna Coke?

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images, so they really don’t represent any real person or event, but they are quite amusing nonetheless.·

Lyons, NY: The Schizophrenic City, Part 1, by The Evil Mr. Edward Hyde

Once home to the Peppermint King, now home to the county welfare agency, the county jail, and a few other undesirable attractions. Nothing really to remind us of its French namesake except two small converging streams.

Lyons, France and Lyons, Wayne County — whooda thunk it.  Yet somebody a long, long time ago thunk it, indeed, observing the waters of the Garnagua Creek and Canandaigua Outlet and thinking fondly of the Rhone where it meets the Saone. . . what drugs was he on?????

“One 21-ounce bottle will correctly flavor a ton of candy, said the Peppermint King.


Must have been all that peppermint. . . way too early for the meth and other synthetics that the kids on the old Courthouse steps trade their food stamps for.

Don’t be fooled by all that “Hall of Justice” stuff, although I’d rather take my chances there than in a town “justice court.”  In fact, if you ever are a victim of a certain Wayne County Justice Court, you will likely end up here, unless you prefer living with higher car insurance premiums (a seat belt conviction will do that, even if it is false).

Actually, you gotta feel kinda sorry for Lyons.  Being the county seat and all, it attracts a lot of the wrong kind of people (lawyers), whose cars take up all the parking around town so you can’t even see the good things, like the green or any of the old buildings.  But at least it keeps them out of our towns. . .

all over the streets

blocking the green

…stupid lawyers and their stupid cars, they’re everywhere!  You can’t walk three feet without tripping over one of ’em or the other.

The original Erie Canal,  as it once ran behind the Hotchkiss Peppermint building.  It was  filled in long ago. Photo courtesy of H20 Mike, blogger, “On the Road with the WCH, accessed 10-17-12.

Even though Lyons is older than the Erie Canal, it provided the town much opportunity for growth.

Used in the summer for pleasure craft, and used by the town during various tourist-enticing events. Otherwise, the barge canal remains pretty much untouched.

The barge canal, which replaced the old Erie, runs behind the village parallel with Route 31.

Some of the old warehouses still line Canal Street:

Some have been turned into nice apartments. 

some not so much

Lyons has certainly seen better days than these:   and these —

guest room?

ewwww

But once you are out of the village (and who can’t wait for that to happen!!) you will see a different side of Lyons. . .

Nah, I think the only solution for Lyons Village is the front end of a bulldozer. . .

Part 2, coming up. . .