Ontario, NY: No One Really Wants To Shop Here But They Will Now!

“Stupid” infests the commercial district

 

Now that Rite-Aid has moved to a bigger and better location, here is 96,900 square feet of empty, plus parking for over 600 cars. . . but who wants to park at an empty shopping center?  (Answer:   One, maybe one-and-a-half cars?  Is this a trick question?).

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Now all the trailer people won’t have to pester anyone to drive them  all the way to Greece for their super-discounts

But not for long!  There was one business here that was doing so well that it attracted a brand-new Big Lots! store right where the old Ames used to be. . . hey, that’s got to mean 15 or 20 low-paying, part-time jobs for some lucky Ontarians!

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Chinese donuts. . . who knew?

Chinese donuts. . . who knew?

So, congratulations to the real-’nuff  Chinese restaurant tucked into the corner nearby, where they buy Pillsbury dinner rolls up at Tops, deep fry them, and sell them as “Chinese Donuts” (with a free can of Coke if you buy enough of ’em).

Hey, send the clerk out on a donut run, that’s a (court) order!

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Donuts are a great favorite with the Good Ole Boys hangin’ around Palmer Hall —

Why, I do think I once overheard Deputy Sheriff  Br***s say one day, as  he looked up the words “investigation” and “intimidation” in the dictionary, “Mmm-mmm-mmm, don’t I just love me some donuts, how I wish I had me some raht now…”  Maybe if he did he might not be harassing this nice old lady with pepper spray…

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“I’m not intimidating, I’m investigating! I think this scumbag is a litter-bug, and she deserves to be pepper-sprayed if not handcuffed and dragged to jail!”

Do you know the Six Wayne County Food Groups?  Here, I’ll teach them to you, repeat after me:  Deep-fried anything, salt, sugar, bacon grease, butter, and Spam (but they save that for Sundays).

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THIS JUST IN!   We’ve been told that a third store  may be coming soon…Save-A-Lot, which is something like an Aldi’s but with a lot less class and a lot less selection.  Actually, seeing as how they closed 60 of ’em in back in the fall of 2012,  it may be just another rumor…

You really don't have to get all dressed up to shop here.

You really don’t have to get all dressed up to shop here.

…but for what it’s worth you heard it first on this blog, the Wonders of Wayne County, Land of Stupid.  And if it turns out to be not true, well, then, the folks at the McDonald’s across the way have been hittin’ the Special Sauce a bit too much. . .

Mmmm. . . donuts. . . Canna Coke?

Mmmm. . . donuts. . . Canna Coke?

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images, so they really don’t represent any real person or event, but they are quite amusing nonetheless.·

October: Happy Anti-Bully Month, Wayne County Style

It’s enough to make you want to scream sometimes

Why let the kids have all the fun?  Adults can be bullies too, you know.  Just add a little edjumication (it doesn’t take much) to someone from Wayne County, and you have all the makings for a real bully of a time!

Here’s a gallery of my favorite Wayne County bullies, who like to hang out in the Good Ole Boys Club in a certain lakeside Wayne County community, where I’ve run into an overabundance of Stupid, even according to Wayne County standards.

My legs are like tree trunks, and even though I am an anonymous copyright-free image, I can do what I please, including bullying you.  So bully for me!

This one, she’s from downstate, you know, like from Newark or somewhere like that, but her problem is she just can’t spell.  She writes her name all right, but whenever she tries to write “Prosecutor” after it, it keeps coming out “Persecutor.”  And she’s easily confused by the numbers “10” and “11.”  But don’t try and help her! or ask her “what book?” That will just pi$$ her off, and then she will bully you and say, “I’m reading it from the book, okay, so don’t try and show me something you got off the Internet.”  Bully for her!

If I weren't a copyright-free image, I would be a big, fat bully who threatens to drag old ladies to jail -- in handcuffs! -- for "littering"...bully for me!

If I weren’t an anonymous copyright-free image, I would be a big, fat bully who threatens to drag old ladies to jail — in handcuffs! — for “littering”…so, bully for me!

. . .And you’d best not complain about her, either, even if she lies to the court, because if you do, you will litter-ally be bullied by one of these:

. . . but you can avoid both of these bullies if you have about a million of these. . .

Brave little SassyCat, appearing incognito! She's not afraid of those bullies! She knows how to take care of them. . . bully for her!

Brave little SassyCat, refusing to appear incognito! She’s not afraid of those bullies! She knows how to take care of them. . . bully for her!

. . . which are, of course seat belt exemptions, written in full conformity with with VTL 1229c and any and all subsections thereof. . .

. . .which will exempt you from wearing a seat belt while operating a motor vehicle within the confines of New York, even within and around beautiful downtown O*****o, which will keep you from being further harassed by one of these:

"If I weren't a copyright-free image, I might be The Honorable Dumb-Ass who was absent the day they taught seat belt law in Judge School. So, bully for me!"

“Hey, quit picking on me!  Can I help it if I was absent the 1.6 days they taught seat belt law in Judge School?   Besides, I’m a judge , which means I have information to which YOU are not privy…so, bully for me!”

Thanks, SassyCat! for keeping these in a safe place so I can grab one whenever I lose the one of the 12 or so that are in my car!

mmmmm. . . donuts. . . .

mmmmm. . . donuts. . . .

What fun it is to live in Wayne County!  where you can’t find an IQ of 76, even if you add up all the IQs referenced on this page (including the cat’s). . . well, you might get a number that high if you put about 12 people in a room (make sure they aren’t related to each other, though) and then add ’em up . . . Bully for me!!!

(These are Google copyright-free images of no one in particular,  and I really don’t know of any person or event that they might resemble, do you?   Except for SassyCat.   She’s real.  She even gave me permission to use her likeness on this page, so that one doesn’t count.  She’s a good kitty, that SassyCat!)