October: Happy Anti-Bully Month, Wayne County Style

It’s enough to make you want to scream sometimes

Why let the kids have all the fun?  Adults can be bullies too, you know.  Just add a little edjumication (it doesn’t take much) to someone from Wayne County, and you have all the makings for a real bully of a time!

Here’s a gallery of my favorite Wayne County bullies, who like to hang out in the Good Ole Boys Club in a certain lakeside Wayne County community, where I’ve run into an overabundance of Stupid, even according to Wayne County standards.

My legs are like tree trunks, and even though I am an anonymous copyright-free image, I can do what I please, including bullying you.  So bully for me!

This one, she’s from downstate, you know, like from Newark or somewhere like that, but her problem is she just can’t spell.  She writes her name all right, but whenever she tries to write “Prosecutor” after it, it keeps coming out “Persecutor.”  And she’s easily confused by the numbers “10” and “11.”  But don’t try and help her! or ask her “what book?” That will just pi$$ her off, and then she will bully you and say, “I’m reading it from the book, okay, so don’t try and show me something you got off the Internet.”  Bully for her!

If I weren't a copyright-free image, I would be a big, fat bully who threatens to drag old ladies to jail -- in handcuffs! -- for "littering"...bully for me!

If I weren’t an anonymous copyright-free image, I would be a big, fat bully who threatens to drag old ladies to jail — in handcuffs! — for “littering”…so, bully for me!

. . .And you’d best not complain about her, either, even if she lies to the court, because if you do, you will litter-ally be bullied by one of these:

. . . but you can avoid both of these bullies if you have about a million of these. . .

Brave little SassyCat, appearing incognito! She's not afraid of those bullies! She knows how to take care of them. . . bully for her!

Brave little SassyCat, refusing to appear incognito! She’s not afraid of those bullies! She knows how to take care of them. . . bully for her!

. . . which are, of course seat belt exemptions, written in full conformity with with VTL 1229c and any and all subsections thereof. . .

. . .which will exempt you from wearing a seat belt while operating a motor vehicle within the confines of New York, even within and around beautiful downtown O*****o, which will keep you from being further harassed by one of these:

"If I weren't a copyright-free image, I might be The Honorable Dumb-Ass who was absent the day they taught seat belt law in Judge School. So, bully for me!"

“Hey, quit picking on me!  Can I help it if I was absent the 1.6 days they taught seat belt law in Judge School?   Besides, I’m a judge , which means I have information to which YOU are not privy…so, bully for me!”

Thanks, SassyCat! for keeping these in a safe place so I can grab one whenever I lose the one of the 12 or so that are in my car!

mmmmm. . . donuts. . . .

mmmmm. . . donuts. . . .

What fun it is to live in Wayne County!  where you can’t find an IQ of 76, even if you add up all the IQs referenced on this page (including the cat’s). . . well, you might get a number that high if you put about 12 people in a room (make sure they aren’t related to each other, though) and then add ’em up . . . Bully for me!!!

(These are Google copyright-free images of no one in particular,  and I really don’t know of any person or event that they might resemble, do you?   Except for SassyCat.   She’s real.  She even gave me permission to use her likeness on this page, so that one doesn’t count.  She’s a good kitty, that SassyCat!)

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I was absent that day. . . the dog ate my homework, and other excuses

“Chimney Bluffs, 2002. Chimney Bluffs are one of the most unique
landmarks of Wayne County’s lakeshore”. . . but that can’t be. 

The bluffs  are beautiful, and a testament to time. . . but someone needs to go back to sixth-grade English class — or just stay in Wayne County where the only one who will notice this kind of thing is me.

“one of the most unique…” is a contradiction of terms and a physical impossibility.

“Unique” is an absolute term.  If something is “unique,” there is nothing else like it.  It can’t be “more unique” or “less unique;” it just is.   It’s like being pregnant — you can’t be “more pregnant,” “less pregnant,” or even “a little bit pregnant.”  You either are or you aren’t.

Nor can it be qualified, either.  To do that you would have to compare it to something similar.   But there is nothing similar.  It’s unique, remember?  It’s one of a kind.  So, the bluffs may be one of the most breathtaking, imposing, awesome, inspiring, amazing, astounding, or astonishing of the landmarks.  They can even be a unique feature of the landmarks.  But if you insist they are “one of the most unique” landmarks, that just shows you’re from Wayne County.  And in that case you probably wouldn’t correct the verb form, either.

(Many thanks to http://www.co.wayne.ny.us/Departments/historian/pages/Hur1_jpg.htm for yet another reason why I chose a 585 area code for my phone. . . )